I hope you don’t mind if I get a little personal with you today. Can I tell you a secret? I’ve been carrying this secret around with me for over five years now, but now the time has come for me to let it out. The thought came to me as I was walking to my car after a doctor’s appointment recently. That’s when I heard it…the still small voice inside, confirming what I already knew. Yes, now is the time for me to share my story. Someone out there needs to hear it, and since you’re reading this today, it could be you.
My secret isn’t unique at all to me. If fact, it is estimated that there are over 6 million women in the US alone suffering from the same ailment. It’s a word I’ve come to despise I’ve heard it so many times.
Infertility.
Over five years ago during a casual meal at a Zaxby’s restaurant, my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. We made the decision to stop our method of birth control at the beginning of the New Year, just a couple of months away. I can still remember how excited I was as we walked out of the restaurant thinking of the new adventure parenthood would bring us. With two years of marriage under our belts, good jobs, and a nice home, it seemed like our life together was falling right into place.
Fast forward over five years later and here I am sitting at my desk writing this post. No baby to check on…no toddler to watch after. The thought never occurred to me that we’d have any difficulty conceiving a child, and I never imagined we’d still be fighting this battle so many years later. “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Christie with a baby carriage.” That’s how it goes, right? Isn’t that’s the way it’s meant to be?
I won’t go into all the details of our struggles with infertility right now. Just know that we are dealing with what is referred to as unexplained infertility. Everything appears to be in working order, and the doctors have no clue why we haven’t been able to conceive. I think that our diagnosis almost makes it worse for us, since it really isn’t a diagnosis at all. It still leaves us with a question mark.
But I’m not sharing my story with you today to focus on the questions about infertility. I’m sharing my story to encourage someone else out there to keep their hope. Yes, even after 62 months of failed attempts, even after my doctor told me recently that I only have a 1% chance of ever getting pregnant, I still can’t hold back the hope that resides deep in my heart. The hope that one day it will be different for us. The hope that one day I will see that beautiful line indicating a miracle on my home pregnancy test.
Why do I still have this hope, after so many years you ask?
I have hope because of my faith in a God who specializes in making the impossible, possible.
It is my prayer that no matter what situation you are dealing with in life, whether it be infertility, a struggling marriage, an addiction or a disease, that you never lose hope.
[Tweet “Never lose hope! “For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37”]
The first thing I did after hearing that dreaded word, infertility, from my doctor, was to start searching for answers. I started with the best book on the subject, my Bible. Reading about Sarah and Hannah and their struggles with infertility really comforted me. I wrote down verses from the Bible to offer encouragement for me and my husband, to increase our faith, and to give us strength as we prayed for the child we longed for so much.
“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3 NLT
Our struggle has not been easy, and the end is still not in sight. We still have questions with no answers. We still are unsure of God’s plan for us, and we pray daily for His guidance. But through it all, we still have the hope that we have in Him. We genuinely believe that our God wants only what’s best for us, and we know that God is using our struggle to perfect us and increase our faith in Him. Even if we never have a child of our own, we can still trust in Him.
We can’t have a testimony without a test, right?
It is now my goal to be content with the life we have now. Being content doesn’t mean I have to give up my hope that God will answer our prayer. Being content involves trusting God and choosing to focus on Him instead of my problem. I want to be like Paul in the Bible. I love what he says in Philippians 4:11-13.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (NIV)
I can be content with all that God has given me now. I can be content with all the many blessings He has given me already. He has given me so much to be thankful for, including my loving, supportive husband. Even without a baby what we have together is pretty amazing, and there’s no one I’d rather be on this journey with than him.
Wow, I can’t believe that my secret is finally out! If you’ve wondered why Errik and I don’t have children yet, now you know. Until now I’d chosen to keep this a silent struggle and had only confided in a few friends for support. Based on my experience and the experience of others, infertility is a touchy subject, and people can say some insensitive things to you…often times without even realizing it. But you know the saying, “The truth shall set you free?” I’m giving it a try today…and I must admit, I’m feeling much better already!
Christie you are incredibly brave to share your story. Thank you for sharing it here. I wondered if you had read the book “Gods Plan for Pregnancy” by Nerida Walker. It is incredibly powerful and might help you, I know it helped me 🙂 praying for a blessing for you. xo
Thank you so much, Gilly. I haven’t read that book yet, but I am definitely going to put it on my list of books to read. Thanks so much for your sweet comment today. I really appreciate it more than you know!
I admire your commitment both to contentment in life as it is, and hope for the future! I know that cannot be the easiest of choices in your circumstances, but I know it is the better choice!
Thanks, Rachel! It’s definitely a daily struggle, but I’m getting there! 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read my post today.
Thanks for sharing your secret… its definitely a struggle to go through, especially when people continually ask “when are you having a baby?’… I’ve dealt with that too. Be strong! Great connecting with you via The Blogging Elite on Facebook! http://www.GlamKaren.com
Yes, I’ve heard those questions, too. I hate them! Especially since I keep asking myself the same thing…LOL. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Karen! Great connecting with you, too!
Christie, Love you so much! Thank you for sharing your heartfelt struggle.
Thank you so much! It was hard to share this today because it’s a struggle I don’t like to talk about, but I really felt that others going through the same circumstances needed to hear some encouragement. Thank you for your support…it means so much to me! XOXO
Hugs for you you! I cannot begin to understand your struggle but thank you for sharing. Many need to know they are not alone and who knows, maybe I will someday too.
Hi, Sarah. I hope you never have to ever go through this, but unfortunately so many women do. It is my hope that this post reaches them, too. I appreciate your kind words so much! I’m giving you a virtual hug right back! 🙂
Christie, I’m so incredibly proud of you for sharing your story. Everyone has struggles and this is seems to be yours. Trust me when I tell you that I KNOW YOU & ERRIK ARE TRULY BLESSED to have each other’s support, encouragement & closeness that you both share with one another. That is such a gift and testimony in itself! I don’t have to tell you God knows best & He will give you the desires of your heart, because I am sure you already know that. He loves you & Errik more than anyone else could ever possibly love you guys and He wants His BEST for you both. Stand strong in His word & promises and never, never ever lose hope. He has a plan and it will come to pass!!!
Yes, it is my hope in His plan for me that keeps me going each day. I guess if everything worked out easily for us in life, we’d have to reason to rely on Him. It is through our struggles and weaknesses that He makes us strong. I do feel incredibly blessed that Errik and I have become closer because of this, instead of growing apart like some couples. It’s good to look at the blessings, even in the heartache. Thanks so much for your support, Jenny. We love you! XOXO
This is beautiful! So glad you shared. I know it takes courage but there’s so much healing in it! Praying for you.
Thanks, Brandy, I appreciate your prayers so much. Thank you for inspiring me and cheering me on! 🙂
How brave to share something so personal, I admire that. I know that someone out there needed to hear a story like yours and you’ve helped them. You are so amazing! I’m glad you shared this and glad to know more about you! Pinning and sharing.
Thanks so much, Sharon. I don’t feel very brave since I waited so long to tell people, but I must admit it feels pretty good now that it’s out in the open. I appreciate your support, and thanks so much for sharing!
I’m so sorry to read this, but so happy that you are trusting in God and that He is enough. I understand a little as it took us a couple of years of trying and doing some infertility treatments, and I remember how I felt at that time. But I cannot say I understand fully as I did conceive. I pray that no matter what God’s road is for you, that you will glorify Him through it and be able to help others. Thank you for sharing as it is hard.
Thanks so much Tammy! I am so happy that you were able to conceive…that is very encouraging to me. It is my prayer that one day I will conceive, and HE will receive all the glory for it. But if not, He is still God and has a purpose for my life. If it is to reach out to others with infertility issues, so be it. I feel so blessed to know other amazing Christian bloggers like you to support me as I share my story. 🙂
Hugs and prayers Christie. I have a friend dealing with this right now and it’s so hard. I can only imagine how difficult and emotional it has been for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Thanks, Christine. I am so sorry your friend is dealing with this, too. At least she has a great friend like you to count on! Thanks for the hugs and prayers!:)
(((hugs)))
Thanks! 🙂
I have been staring at this empty box for over 5 minutes trying to come up with the right words as tears just flow. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this struggle is for you and your husband. It truly upsets me that great people like you have to deal with this when others who do not even want children have them, or better yet keep them and do not take care of them. It’s truly unfair and its amazing for you to have such strong faith through all of it. You are such an amazing person!
I will be praying for you and your hubby. You are more than welcome to talk to me anytime you need someone to listen 😉
Thank you so much, Jess! Knowing that I have friends like you make going through something like this not so bad. I’m touched by your compassion, and I appreciate the prayers more than you know! AND I won’t forget your offer to listen when I need a good ear! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart! <3
Thanks, Hannah!
How brave are you to put yourself out there in the hopes that someone who may be going through a similar situation might find comfort. Although I don’t know the struggle personally (my husband and I are only beginning our process of conceiving), I do know friends and family who have struggled with, what I’ll call the BIG I. There’s no words that I could say that could possibly ease your pain, frustration, or hurt….but something I read on another blog about the same subject is that to have comfort that God will always be with you and when the time is right He will give you not just a baby…but YOUR baby. Stay strong and know you have a world of support!!
Thanks so much for your kind words, Kelly. I don’t know what I’d do without God. You’re right, He’s with me every step of the way. You have no idea what your comment has meant to me today. Thank you for the words of encouragement! 🙂 I am praying that God blesses you and your husband with a beautiful baby soon. Blessings!
Thank you so much for sharing! It takes such courage to put yourself out there like this. I pray that God will bless you with children, but he always has a greater plan for our lives. Sending prayers your way!
Thank you so much! It’s not been easy, and not everyone has been supportive, but I’m so glad God has sent wonderful encouraging people like you my way. Thanks for the prayers! 🙂
As you know, I think you’re a very special, brave woman. Sharing your story couldn’t have been easy not knowing how people would respond, but clearly you do indeed have alot of support!!! Your faith is such an inspiration and I’m so glad God has placed you in my life!! Remember I’m just a call away! =D
Thanks so much for your kind words, Evelyn. I’m so glad God places special people like you in my life when I need them! 🙂
Taking charge of your fertility is a book that may help you guys. God bless and the Almighty take all the honor and glory when we finally have our miracle babies Christie!
I will have to check out that book! I, too, can’t wait for the day when He receives glory for the miracles in our lives! Trusting and believing and praying for you today. Thanks so much for stopping by!
thank you for sharing your story. any time we can share how God works in our lives is
a blessing to someone. “God does not waste anything, and He will not protect us from what
He will perfect us through”.
this has blessed many more than you will prob ever know.
Oh, Christie. I know exactly what you mean! We tried for almost 10 years, before I got to the poiint of realizing God had a different path for us to start a family. We have two beautiful girls from China. They are amazing!
I know what you mean about the insensitive comments. People don’t know what to say, and instead of saying “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” They try to give reasons and platitudes. They say what they think they are supposed to say. They mean well, for the most part, they just don’t get it.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know it took a LOT of courage!
Thanks, Christine. It’s always great to hear from someone who has been there and understands. I am so happy you found peace and were able to give two sweet girls a home. I know they are well loved! Blessings to you and your family!! Christie