When I decided to share my secret and reveal my struggle with infertility publicly earlier this year, I really didn’t know what to expect. All I knew is that after five years of keeping our infertility a secret, it was time to let the truth out.I was tired of dodging baby showers and questions about our future family plans. I was tired of pretending that we weren’t ready for children when I was truly crying inside to hold a baby of our very own. To sum it up, I had grown tired of putting on appearances and pretending everything was OK. I felt like I was living a lie.It really isn’t anyone else’s business whether my husband and I have children, but society doesn’t see it that way. Every time I turned around someone was asking me when we were going to have children. I wanted to scream out, “I’ve been asking God the same question for over five years now!” But instead, I’d politely smile and mutter some trite answer. Then one day as I was leaving my doctor’s office and walking to my car, everything changed. I had an epiphany…it was time to tell everyone the truth. It was time to let others know that despite the overwhelming battle I was fighting, despite the odds stacked against me, despite the realization that I may never give birth to a child, I knew that my God was in control, and I trusted Him. What good is a testimony if you don’t share it? How could I help others in the same situation if they didn’t even know about my infertility? Although I had the realization that I should share my story, I must admit that I was hesitant at first. I did a lot of praying and even put off writing my post for a few weeks, just to be sure I was ready. I spent some time pondering why I’d been keeping my infertility a secret. Was it shame, fear, or pride? I knew it was a little of them all. I was ashamed that I hadn’t been able to carry a child for my husband. I was afraid of what others would think of me, and comments I knew I would be sure to hear. But most of all, it was pride that had stood in my way. Letting others know of this flaw, even though it wasn’t my doing or my fault, still made me feel vulnerable. I was admitting I wasn’t perfect, and that is hard for any of us to do, isn’t it? Despite my initial hesitation, I knew it was time to share my story and set myself free from the bondage I was experiencing.
The truth is that I never knew just how much my secret had weighed me down until I finally shared it with others. It was amazing the freedom I felt afterwards. No more excuses, no more hiding my struggle from others, no more pretending. I let go of my fear, shame and pride, and fell into God’s safety net of love and peace. I was finally free! The one negative response I received was completely overshadowed by the incredible outpouring of love and support given to me after sharing my story. I realized that all those years lived in fear were for nothing. Keeping my secret about infertility was a lot like the wait in line to ride a roller coaster. You know what it’s like to wait in line for a roller coaster, don’t you? Your time spent waiting to ride is mixed with anxiety and apprehension, but once you get on the ride, it’s all fun. You enjoy the ride and wonder why you dreaded it so much beforehand. You may even want to go on the ride again! If you’re battling infertility today, please don’t do it alone. Don’t let shame, fear or pride hold you back. Whatever it is keeping you from sharing you story with others, let it go. It’s time to hop on, close your eyes, throw your hands up and enjoy the ride. Trust me… your life will never be the same. You’ll be so glad you did it. You’ll finally be free!
If you’re battling infertility, remember that you are not alone. I’d love for you to check out my other posts about infertility, and feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I’d love to stand by you and pray for you during your struggle.
Finding Hope in the Midst of Infertility
You Are Not Alone
Note: This post was original shared at A Sweet Aroma.
I also have felt a major sense of freedom from being open about our struggle with infertility. It is kind of amazing how honesty breeds that freedom.
So true! I’m glad we both feel the same way! The truth will set us free, right? Thanks so much for stopping by today!
Thank you for being brave and open about this part of your story. It’s clear from your writing and your decision to share that you’re trying to trust the Lord and encourage other women going through this along the way. Praying for you today!
Thanks, Brittany. I’ve learned so much going through this, and it truly is my desire to help others going through the same. The good news is that I know God is in control, and I trust in Him. Thanks so much for your prayers! 🙂
I know what it is like to avoid questions about having kids. When I met my husband I had 3 kids and he had none. We’ve been married 15 years. We would get questions like when are you two gonna have a kid. It was so uncomfortable. Me and my husband never thought we would have kids together. After some fertility treatment we had decided to just give up on having a baby. Six months after I stopped going to the doctor I was surprised to find out I was 3 months pregnant with our first and only kid together. You are very brave for sharing something so personal with us and your love for God and desire to help others in the same situation is nothing short of amazing. I wish you nothing but the best as you go through your journey.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It is such a strong and powerful message that is much appreciated. Sending you lots of happy thoughts!
Thanks, Jody. It definitely came from the heart! I appreciate the happy thoughts!