Hi friends! This is the first time I’m doing a personal life update on the blog. I usually share tidbits of info about what’s going on in my world in my weekly newsletter. Since I realize not all of you are subscribed to the newsletter (gasp! You should subscribe today!) and since there’s been a lot going on in my life I decided to write this post today. Let me share with you why I’ve been MIA on social media and email lately and how my life is changing. I’m warning you, this is a long one!
I’d like to start off by thanking so many of you for your kind words, your emails, and mostly your prayers. When I shared in my newsletter a few weeks ago that I was going through a difficult time, I was amazed at the responses that flooded my inbox. You see, I started this blog because I wanted to spread joy into the lives of others, but in the past few weeks it’s been the opposite. YOU have encouraged ME. For that I am so very grateful and so thankful for this community of followers. In that email I promised I would share what’s going on when I was ready. So, here goes.
Earlier this month I had surgery for endometriosis. This was a long awaited surgery since my insurance declined paying for it two years ago. After 6 years of infertility and enduring 2 weeks of pelvic pain every month we decided to try again and this time our prayers were answered. The insurance company approved my surgery!
The ultimate goal of the surgery was to remove the scar tissue that was causing the extreme pelvic pain I was having each month. While a pain-free life was always the goal for moving forward with surgery, there was the bonus possibility that the surgery would increase my chances of conceiving afterwards. We were so excited and hopeful and knew God had finally answered our prayers.
Of course, God doesn’t always answer the way we expect Him to…
I woke up after surgery to find out the endometriosis was so severe that the doctor was unable to remove the scar tissue. It has adhered some of my internal organs together, which requires for much more extensive surgery to be done. It must be done at the hospital instead of the outpatient clinic with the colon specialist on call. While the news was grim and I’m not looking forward to another surgery in my future, I am still very thankful for the wisdom of my doctor and that he did what was best for me.
It was bad enough waking up to find out your surgery left you no closer to a pain-free life than you were before. It’s even worse when you’re told you will never be able to conceive. I woke up to the pain of a broken heart finding out I will never bring a child into this world. To get rid of the pain I will need a total hysterectomy. I’m not even forty years old yet. It doesn’t seem fair.
So the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to come to terms with this news and prepare myself for another surgery later this year. I’m not going to lie and say it’s been easy, because it has not been.
I thought I’d wake up from a surgery a new person. No longer would pain rule my life. I’d be happier, more active, finally be able to lose those extra pounds I’ve been wanting to lose and maybe even become a mom. I was going to go from surviving to thriving and I couldn’t wait for the new life ahead of me.
Yes, I woke up from a surgery a new person, but not in the way I’d imagined. I’ve cried many tears and questioned God more times than I’d like to admit. There were days I didn’t even want to get out of bed. No, my grief has not been pretty. But each day it gets easier. Some days I take two steps forward then one step back, but I’m still moving forward.
While this hurts now, I am thankful God has finally given us an answer. For years we held onto the hope that we would conceive one day, but now we know the answer. It wasn’t the answer we wanted and it isn’t easy to accept, but I am looking forward to finally having closure and moving on with our lives.
While we don’t know what the future holds for our family, here’s what I do know – God is good. He loves me. He wants the best for me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I wouldn’t be able to get through this without Him and I am so thankful He pursues me even when I push Him away. He understands and even bottles up my tears. He’s always working behind the scenes, even when I don’t realize it.
How do I know this? Because less than 3 weeks after my surgery date, a little over a month after we put our house on the market, we signed a contract to sell our home. Â Yes, last week we signed the contract and we’re scheduled to close in just a month. I’m still floored because a house down the street has been for sale for months. Months, I tell you!
When we first felt God leading us to make a move to live closer to our family,  we prayed, put a sign out front and believed that He would lead us. I didn’t even tell some of the people closest to me because I was waiting to make sure moving was God’s will! Now, in the midst of our pain, He is giving us a new beginning.
While we’re only moving 45 minutes from where we currently live, we are looking forward to a new home, new friends, and new adventures and opportunities. We can’t wait to see what the next chapter of our lives holds! We are confident that God is working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28) and we are putting our faith and trust in Him. Even though things are pretty crazy right now!
Yes, now I have a month to pack up our current home for the move. We just signed a contract on a new home yesterday. While I’m sure I’ll be sharing lots of info with our new DIY home adventures eventually, the next couple of months I’m going to be super busy with life. I’ll still be posting here a few times each week, but you’ll see less of my crafty posts for now as I start packing up my supplies. Â It will probably take me longer to respond to emails or comments on social media. Please be patient with me during this transition and know I’ll be sewing, crocheting and homemaking and sharing all the details with you once things calm down a bit.
Again, thank you for your understanding, your prayers, and your sensitivity as I share my heart with you today.
Donna says
I am sorry to hear about your pain. I do know that God is able to do far above all we could ask or think. I have seen Him work miracles and will believe Him for the best option for you, whatever it is because I know His plan far outshines ours.
Lord, I lift Christie up to you and I pray that you will grant her the desire of her, but in Your most perfect way.
I pray you comfort her and flood her with your love and grace.
May Your light and love flow not only in her but through her. May it pour out into all that Christie may encounter in small or large ways.
I pray your perfect will and plan for her and her husband and her health. Heal the pain and the scars. Remind me to keep her in my prayers until your perfect plan is fulfilled.
I thank you and give you all praise, honor, and glory. In Jesus precious name I pray. AMEN.
GOD BLESS YOU Christie.
Brittany says
My heart goes out to you, friend. I am a third generation of endometriosis so we knew before I went through puberty that I would probably struggle with the disease. By the time I went into my first surgery as a Sophomore in college I had been on 5-6 different birth controls. After surgery I was diagnosed with PCOS as well and told I would never have children and that I needed to have surgery every 6 months to maintain my diseases. I cannot explain to you the anger I held towards God and the reckless way I lived after this statement. I did 6 months of medically induced menopause but still had to have another surgery just 1 and a half years later. I refused to have a hysterectomy until I could at least TRY to have kids and struggled with severe pain, just like what you mentioned and cramps, that caused passing out spells and the inability to stand. Thankfully, the Lord healed my hurt and forgave my rebelling and I married a loving Spiritual Leader. My husband and I tried immediately after getting married and ended up being able to get pregnant but not carry the pregnancy to full term. We lost 4 children. By the grace of God we were able to have two beautiful children that were high risk and difficult for me to carry. Then at 29 I had a hysterectomy. While I understand that I have gotten the opportunity to have my own children and therefore cannot possibly imagine your hurt completely, I wanted you to know that I empathize with your pain and know how lonely and terrifying and crippling this disease can be. Like you, I am experiencing a pain free life for the first time and it is amazing. My husband and I are finishing up our foster training and cannot wait to love on children who need loving parents or just a home to get snuggled while their parents get well. My thoughts are over your move and new chapters, freedom from longing and waiting, even if we hate the answer, is at least a door closed and movement forward. I am so sorry for you and pray for your family but mostly excited about what the Lord can do through you. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST.
Carole says
So beautifully written! You bring great joy to so many! Thank you for sharing your heart! I know God has wonderful things in store for you!🌹
Paulette says
I am so sorry you are having these health issues. I know the Lord will be by your side through it all. I will keep you in my prayers.
Christie Selken says
Thank you so much, Paulette. Your prayers are definitely appreciated!
Heather says
My prayers are with you!! Thank you for sharing your heart during this difficult time, both the struggles and the comfort of the Lord!
Christie Selken says
Thank you, Heather. XOXO
Trish says
I am an old granny and not really into blogging. I have followed your sweet and insightful news letter without comment but with much pleasure. God has given you much courage to be able to share your heartbreaking story with others. Many will benefit from its insight I know.
Being a mom is special but I feel God just may have a different direction planned for you and obviously so as things have progressed the way they have. You recall, in the Bible, it speaks of it being better not even to marry but we all know how that has played out. Our husbands stand beside us, like angels, giving us earthly strength and courage and I think this is part of Gods plan for most of us in the world.
My heart breakes for you in your pain but delights also in your strength. You go girl and take life where God leads. In the future you will surely see what a marvelous planner God is of our lives if only we take courage to follow.
We also moved to be close to family years ago. Our move was from Oregon to NC. It was a big move that we prayed a lot over. We finally put our house up for sale, thinking like you, would take a while. My husband, being retired, took off with a camp trailer to search for a new home for us in NC. I started packing. Our house sold in a week and the buyer wanted a two week close. Yipes! It all worked out beautifully as yours will also.
God bless you and keep you safe as you follow Him, the Master.
Will be anxious to read as a new chapter unfolds for you. Keep spreading that Son shine!!
Christie Selken says
Wow, from Oregon to NC, that’s what I call a BIG move! I’m thankful we’re not moving very far away this time. Thank you so much for taking time to share your words of encouragement. Be blessed!
Karen Martinez says
Stay Strong and be brave always!
God never leave us alone, He’s always with us, pushing to takes us to the good things.
Hope you can still going on and thankful for this new opportunity.
Best Regards!
Christie Selken says
Thank you for your sweet words, Karen.
Tiffany says
Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m sad and happy for you all at the same time….I hope thats not bad. Praying for you. Take care of yourself.
Christie Selken says
I’m definitely OK with you being both sad and happy for me. 🙂 Thanks, Tiffany. XOXO
Sheila says
God will give you the desires of your heart when you trust him completely. It sounds like you do and he is preparing you for the blessings to come. Will pray for you and your husband.
Christie Selken says
Thank you for your prayers, Sheila. Blessings!
Sheilah says
Christie, I am praising God for your devotion and faith in Him in such a challenging time! I, too, had a hysterectomy when I was young and wasn’t able to conceive. God had a plan, though. While I never thought about adoption, God did. Without the long story, my dearest friend’s daughter became pregnant, and wasn’t able to care for the child. Nor was my friend. I am mom to a handsome, while surly, fourteen almost fifteen year old boy who I NEVER dreamed would be in my life. He was laid in my arms at his birth. God’s plan is beyond anything we could even imagine. I am praying for you as you are in this storm. I am so happy that you are hearing God amidst all the wind and rain. Keep focusing on Him and know that He is with you, always “until the end of the age.” I will also confess that God is so good, that during my storm, I wasn’t a believer! I didn’t seek Him, but He was with me. God knew the plans He had for me, “plans to prosper you…” No human words or emotion can describe His grace and mercy. I will pray for you and know that He has a wonderful plan for you. Blessings always, Sheilah
Christie Selken says
Sheilah, thank you for your prayers. I am encouraged by your testimony, so thank you for sharing it with me. I love how God works things out for our good, even when we can’t see it. XOXO
Patricia says
Thank you for sharing. What our family is going through, is different but God is walking with us. I wish we did not this grief but He is near. Your sharing helps.
Christie Selken says
Patricia, I’m glad sharing my story helps. Praying for you and your family, Christie.
Charlotte says
Dearest Christie,
We love you and are always here for you.
C & R
Christie Selken says
You are two of the greatest blessings in my life. I’m so thankful for you both! XOXO
Kris says
Christie, I’m truly sorry for your loss. I am, at the same time, thankful that your faith is strong and that you are able to allow Him to carry this burden with you. It’s not easy, and sometimes just being able to find one thing for which to be thankful each morning is enough. Take care, and know that our hugs and prayers are with you.
Christie Selken says
Thanks, Kris. It means so much to know others are lifting me up in prayer. Blessings!
Julie says
This Mercy Mercy me song song has song has been on my heart and tongue lately. It’s called Even So. You should give it a listen. I pray it encourages you. {{Hugs}}
Christie Selken says
Oh my goodness…that song!!! It’s perfect! Thank you for sharing it with me, Julie.
Star says
Hello dear friend, I also had a hysterectomy at 28. No birth children but a few years later God allowed my husband and I to adopt a son fight from the hospital. He has been the joy of our life. 8 years later we adopted another son from another country. 2 years later we adopted our third child another son. Gods plan not ours. He picked the children for us to parent and we have been greatly blessed. That was 40 years ago. We now have 3 grandchildren and enjoying being grandparents. I pray God to give you peace in knowing He is in control. Blessings to you dear friend 🌟
Christie Selken says
Thank you Star, for sharing your story with me. I’m thankful God worked things out for you, and it encourages me to continue to trust Him as He works things out for me and my husband. Blessings to you!
Mari says
Christie,
It takes a lot of bravery to post this information for all to see. I am sure that others will be helped after reading your post. I am sad for the struggles you have gone through, but excited to see where this next phase of your life takes you and Errik. Love to you both,
Mari
Christie Selken says
Yes, Mari, we can’t wait to see what God’s up to behind the scenes. Here’s to new beginnings! Love and miss you, too! XOXO
Heather says
Thanks for sharing your journey. I’m sorry to hear how hard this has been. My heart ached reading about the challenges you have encountered.
Praying God would fill you in unexpected ways and renew your joy. Even when we don’t understand why, He is still good and faithful and our rock in times such as these.
Christie Selken says
Thank you for your sweet prayer, Heather. Yes, I trust that He’s up to something even though I’m not sure what. So thankful for His peace that surpasses all understanding in the midst of the storm. Blessings to you, Heather!
Patricia says
Praise God for your good news! Keeping you in my prayers.
Christie Selken says
Thank you so much!
Linda Dietz says
Thank you for being so transparent! Our family knows what you are going through. My daughter who is 41 had to have a hysterectomy about 3 yrs ago because of her endometriosis. It was either a stage 3 or 4 and seems to be everywhere. We know how to pray. Could give you tons of platitudes that you have heard before…but won’t. I love the phrase from a song which says, “When you can’t see His plan, when you don’t understand, trust His heart!” His heart is in love with you, His wonderfully created daughter. We will trust His heart and His plan for you with you!
Eva says
Dear Christie!
God ist with you! This shines through your life and your entire being. You are a perfect example for it, and I am grateful for your blog. We all have difficulties and losses in life and survive. Looking back and realizing how God has carried us through is a wonderful and calming experience. Once we understood that it lets us revive in the love received and it pours out of us. Thank you for sharing, thanks for letting us feel connected with you as human beings in the Hands of God. I wish you a wonderful fulfilling and peaceful life endeavor. All the best to you and your Family. Gratefully yours, Eva-Maria.
tina says
I am sorry to read about the pain you are going through.
But let me tell you: for me it was the best to have hysterectomy at age 33 to get rid of my pain, my low blood pressure, my iron deficiency, not getting enough sleep during at least three nights a month as I had to get up and change up to three times a night because of all the bleeding, and during a few days a month I couldn’t get further away from a bathroom than an hour. My condition (myoma) was really restricting my life (let alone the pain).
And for you, I think you are lucky that you never did conceive… that might have gotten you in a lot more problems regarding the condition of your organs?
My thoughts are with you, hugs!
Keep up all the great work you do according to your energy!
Tina in Germany
Christine says
Christie- I’m so sorry the surgery was such the opposite direction of what was expected. I cannot fathom the pain, physical and emotional, that you are going through. I’m here for you though and you are in my prayers.
I pray your move goes smoothly and that some answers, peace, and comfort will come to you soon.
Christie Selken says
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Christine. I appreciate your prayers more than you know! XOXO