Hi friends! This is the first time I’m doing a personal life update on the blog. I usually share tidbits of info about what’s going on in my world in my weekly newsletter. Since I realize not all of you are subscribed to the newsletter (gasp! You should subscribe today!) and since there’s been a lot going on in my life I decided to write this post today. Let me share with you why I’ve been MIA on social media and email lately and how my life is changing. I’m warning you, this is a long one!
I’d like to start off by thanking so many of you for your kind words, your emails, and mostly your prayers. When I shared in my newsletter a few weeks ago that I was going through a difficult time, I was amazed at the responses that flooded my inbox. You see, I started this blog because I wanted to spread joy into the lives of others, but in the past few weeks it’s been the opposite. YOU have encouraged ME. For that I am so very grateful and so thankful for this community of followers. In that email I promised I would share what’s going on when I was ready. So, here goes.
Earlier this month I had surgery for endometriosis. This was a long awaited surgery since my insurance declined paying for it two years ago. After 6 years of infertility and enduring 2 weeks of pelvic pain every month we decided to try again and this time our prayers were answered. The insurance company approved my surgery!
The ultimate goal of the surgery was to remove the scar tissue that was causing the extreme pelvic pain I was having each month. While a pain-free life was always the goal for moving forward with surgery, there was the bonus possibility that the surgery would increase my chances of conceiving afterwards. We were so excited and hopeful and knew God had finally answered our prayers.
Of course, God doesn’t always answer the way we expect Him to…
I woke up after surgery to find out the endometriosis was so severe that the doctor was unable to remove the scar tissue. It has adhered some of my internal organs together, which requires for much more extensive surgery to be done. It must be done at the hospital instead of the outpatient clinic with the colon specialist on call. While the news was grim and I’m not looking forward to another surgery in my future, I am still very thankful for the wisdom of my doctor and that he did what was best for me.
It was bad enough waking up to find out your surgery left you no closer to a pain-free life than you were before. It’s even worse when you’re told you will never be able to conceive. I woke up to the pain of a broken heart finding out I will never bring a child into this world. To get rid of the pain I will need a total hysterectomy. I’m not even forty years old yet. It doesn’t seem fair.
So the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to come to terms with this news and prepare myself for another surgery later this year. I’m not going to lie and say it’s been easy, because it has not been.
I thought I’d wake up from a surgery a new person. No longer would pain rule my life. I’d be happier, more active, finally be able to lose those extra pounds I’ve been wanting to lose and maybe even become a mom. I was going to go from surviving to thriving and I couldn’t wait for the new life ahead of me.
Yes, I woke up from a surgery a new person, but not in the way I’d imagined. I’ve cried many tears and questioned God more times than I’d like to admit. There were days I didn’t even want to get out of bed. No, my grief has not been pretty. But each day it gets easier. Some days I take two steps forward then one step back, but I’m still moving forward.
While this hurts now, I am thankful God has finally given us an answer. For years we held onto the hope that we would conceive one day, but now we know the answer. It wasn’t the answer we wanted and it isn’t easy to accept, but I am looking forward to finally having closure and moving on with our lives.
While we don’t know what the future holds for our family, here’s what I do know – God is good. He loves me. He wants the best for me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I wouldn’t be able to get through this without Him and I am so thankful He pursues me even when I push Him away. He understands and even bottles up my tears. He’s always working behind the scenes, even when I don’t realize it.
How do I know this? Because less than 3 weeks after my surgery date, a little over a month after we put our house on the market, we signed a contract to sell our home. Yes, last week we signed the contract and we’re scheduled to close in just a month. I’m still floored because a house down the street has been for sale for months. Months, I tell you!
When we first felt God leading us to make a move to live closer to our family, we prayed, put a sign out front and believed that He would lead us. I didn’t even tell some of the people closest to me because I was waiting to make sure moving was God’s will! Now, in the midst of our pain, He is giving us a new beginning.
While we’re only moving 45 minutes from where we currently live, we are looking forward to a new home, new friends, and new adventures and opportunities. We can’t wait to see what the next chapter of our lives holds! We are confident that God is working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28) and we are putting our faith and trust in Him. Even though things are pretty crazy right now!
Yes, now I have a month to pack up our current home for the move. We just signed a contract on a new home yesterday. While I’m sure I’ll be sharing lots of info with our new DIY home adventures eventually, the next couple of months I’m going to be super busy with life. I’ll still be posting here a few times each week, but you’ll see less of my crafty posts for now as I start packing up my supplies. It will probably take me longer to respond to emails or comments on social media. Please be patient with me during this transition and know I’ll be sewing, crocheting and homemaking and sharing all the details with you once things calm down a bit.
Again, thank you for your understanding, your prayers, and your sensitivity as I share my heart with you today.